I write this on the eve of my daughter’s first day at daycare. For the past year, we’ve been grateful to have had such a kind and loving nanny look over our girl part-time. She made multi-tasking look effortless, channeling her experience as a mom, grandma, and nurse into caring for our daughter and the other share family’s daughter. The girls became fast friends; drop-offs filled with hugs and exchanging (taking?) necklaces and pick-ups were filled with sweet “tchau, tchau”s to which R would reply in a drawn out and softly confident “buh-bye”. Though we truly believe that this daycare will be a great fit for our girl, it didn’t come without sadness – a supreme awareness of the passage of time, the farewell to a woman who has cared for R since she was only 4 months old, and to the family that has joined us on this new parenthood journey and make this all look doable, comfortable in the chaos, or at least surviving it with grace and a little chuckle (what else can you do at times, right?). As we said a sad “tchau, tchau for now” to everyone this week, the share family’s son told us with a mischievous smile, “I think R kinda loves me a lot.” And she sure does.

Tomorrow begins what feels like our first foray into ‘school’. Though this is a play-based daycare situated around a great Redwood tree, with more kids, more activities, more communication, it also makes it all too real that R is growing up, a reality I’m not sure I’ll ever get fully used to. I came across an Instagram post that reminded new parents everywhere that we often reminisce about the days when our kids were newborns, but by doing so, we miss the whole point. They grow, we nurture that growth, we watch them step into who they are in the world. That’s our whole job as parents and yet we fixate on them not being this fleetingly small infant anymore. Guilty, for sure. It was a good reminder that this next step, this growth, this stepping more fully into a place they can thrive in their authentic selves. That’s the good stuff.

So, I sit here wearing face mask reflecting on the eve of yet another big transition. One of many that have come before and one of many more that will come after. Did I steam her tiny little button-down shirt? Yes. Did I pack her a colorful and balanced bento box lunch? You bet. Did I make a list and check it twice? Your girl loves a list.

Tomorrow is a big day and I’m going to allow myself to feel it all. I heard you just gotta drop and go but I’m a recovering lingerer so this will be a learning experience for both of us. I know she’ll be in her element, surrounded by nature, lots of other kids, good snacks, and a beautiful bento made my mom. And just like my mom did for me, I’ll include a note for her in her lunch with a sparkly sticker. It’s a big step, as big as the one she takes over cracked pavement.

I just hope she kinda loves it a lot.