I recently got a renewal notice for my blog domain and to be honest, for a split second I thought about cancelling it. As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t been consistent on here and it’s hard to pay for something that lies dormant aside from the occasional post that I truly do enjoy writing. So here I am in the first days of the best month (fight me) to prove to myself that this is valuable, a cathartic outlet, a passion, hobby, and probably the only few moments where my brain and my actions line up in a single task by typing. So call it therapy, call it meditation but I’m not going to just call it on this whole blog thing just yet. Here, WordPress, take all my money.

I’ve been traveling a lot for work and I usually downplay this by saying, “well, it’s only once a month”. That once-a-month-trip is often far, requires me to plan further ahead than my schedule allows, requires hours packing and prepping, logistic shifts, errands, and confirmations, an uprooting of a life I have in the Bay, and a job that still requires me to be at a computer a good portion of the time. Don’t even get me started on the number of mini contact lens solution bottles I accumulate in a year. I know that at my smack-dab-mid-thirties (at least for another month soletmehaveitokay), I’m at an age where this is still a life that I’m interested in living. With a family, traveling for work will become a lot harder and so I have a little pep talk with myself before booking each next whirlwind 72-hour trip. 

I’m grateful for the opportunity to live this jet-setting life (something I always wanted in my 20s), meeting amazing people all over the country, growing a company I love, and seeing parts of the US I haven’t yet before. Parts of it, like my recent trip to Ohio, feel like a vacation. I’m ahead of my usual time zone by 3 hours allowing for a quiet and slow morning. I get to find pieces of a routine I enjoy, seek out the craft coffee scene, walk new streets, maybe get a little sweat on before walls of meetings. Crawling into that hotel bed with Shark Tank and take-out feels like a treat and the best way I have found to date to acclimate to a new time zone.

On the flip side, there’s burnout. And upon my return from Kansas City last month, I cracked. Stressed, moody, overwhelmed, and feeling exhausted are not things I experience to this extreme outside a certain time of month. It lingered for a couple weeks and finally dissipated with a back-to-normal(ish) week where I could come up for air. Even in trip like my last one, there are bumps I constantly have to roll with and when I’m already spread super thin, it doesn’t leave room for shock-absorption. Even the small things can feel like major set-backs: asking the front desk for a razor and then a half hour later for multiple bandaids, getting split on by a homeless man in city streets en route to a high-profile meeting, a hotel water shut off that threats promptness to a meeting. I have to keep going anyway. Sometimes I just expect these things to happen and can let them roll off my back and sometimes they’re just the last straw.

I was hoping George Clooney and Julia Roberts would be joining me on this direct flight back home from Columbus but with entertainment down, it’s just me, the stranger in 23C, this building draft, and my thoughts. When I look past at the things that got under my skin, it hits me that I’m out here doing the thing. Trying something new, staying agile, making things happen, spreading our message, listening to different markets, discovering new areas, taking it all in and letting it inform my next move. If I don’t take moments to remember that it’s happening, I’ll miss it. I don’t want to look back years later and wish I had enjoyed this more. I know I need to slow down, protect my boundaries, stay open, do everything I can and let the rest go, and not fight it so much. Wiping spit off my face in a Park Avenue high-rise bathroom knocked me down. But I know I’m capable of taking my next step with grace, compassion, and self-care — even if it means having a good cry just before. It’s also a major perk of arriving to a meeting early — not that anyone ever expects to get spit on but at least you have plenty of time to pull yourself together if you do. So this is my verbal (or typed) vow that tomorrow, after 60 hours of travel and meetings, I’m doing something good for myself, my soul, my body and giving myself space to settle back in.

Everyone needs a good check yo’self before you wreck yourself moment. I hope this is a reminder for you as well.