Tag: pregnancy

You are Gold, Baby. Solid Gold.

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I’ve been in a few locations already writing the first paragraph of this post. First, on the couch in front of a baby monitor watching our little 2-month old (!) sleep a little more after her first round of vaccines (rough). The second, on the sidewalk of a cafe, sipping at oat cappuccino during the 15 minutes of lingering time I’ve given myself before I return home to cuddle and feed baby R.

Now that I’ve set the scene, flashback to a couple weeks of recovery from a birth when I set out for a little self-care. Destination: piercing shop. Oh don’t you worry, I am getting a postnatal massage this week as a birthday gift from baby girl and dad but what I really needed to do for myself was re-place that tiny hoop I’ve had in my right nostril for 16 years and had to remove for the birth. Perhaps not the self-care most would envision but putting on my gold jewelry (including a necklace gifted to me from B and one of my mom’s vintage gold necklaces), I headed out to the piercing shop to not just have my sterling hoop put back in but to upgrade it to solid gold, baby. It’s the little things, postpartum, that matter most. 15 minutes with a oat capp, a new nose ring to match my preferred metal, a nice hot shower, making cashew milk, dipping honey in your tea, playing NYT games with B, sitting down to eat a meal once baby is sleeping. I could go on but man, these things have infused my days with so much joy.

I think one of the hardest parts of new parenthood (and arguably daily life, pregnancy, navigating change, etc) is drowning out the noise and tuning into your intuition. This is something that has not always come easy for me but social media, advice, biases – anything that tears us away from ourselves and inner knowing has no place – especially in this particular stage of life. Things that masquerade as helpful or supportive can be damaging too (WhatsApp groups, mommy IG accounts, targeted ads) with too many links directing you to someone else’s opinion. What these fail to do is allow me the time and space to look beyond the screen and at my baby to really do a pulse check on what’s going on. Everything from breast pump flange sizes to childhood development apps to buy are discussed at length and what we’re failing to do is bust out the measuring tool or simply watch your child and engage with them in a very instinctual and natural way (talking, making face expressions, playing – back to the basics seems to be the most effective IMHO).

This is easier said than done, especially for a Bay Area elder millennial who feels lured by the endless resources we’re inundated by on a daily basis. It’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough, not scheduling enough appointments, reading enough, not creating endless Google Sheets, not researching every corner of the internet, not joining enough support groups/yoga classes/music sessions, and definitely not putting in applications to every daycare within a 10 mile radius. It’s nuts.

When I slow down, take a very loving and slow look at my beautiful baby daughter, the intuition and next steps unfold. There are giggles simply by booping her nose, there will be childcare options that unveil with a little research and thoughtfulness and perhaps a good word of mouth. There are toys that we like and show her how to engage with. There are bubbly conversations with room for her to respond – and no one told us how, when, or why to do this.

As a new parent and even just a person living in world, this is some of my most valuable advice so far – just as much for those reading as it is a reminder to myself which I often need. Yes, I am guilty of having all the tabs open on my phone while I breastfeed, but I’m not subscribing to a keeping up with the Jones’ mentality. My inquisitive nature takes over, sure, but I am learning to be driven by my own curiosity over the drive from external forces to constantly be re-examining what I already know is true.

Anyway, my 15 minutes is up and it’s time to go watch my baby with my own eyes and not through a screen. I wish all of us a little tuning out and turning in today.

You Did it, Sis.

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We are officially parents of the sweetest baby girl. Tired, running on empty, and so incredibly happy that she’s here. It’s wild to think that just two weeks ago this tiny human was in my body and after three thrown-to-the-wild-and-wonderful nights, we bring this baby girl home with us to keep forever.

This morning is the first that the timing has lined up where she’s ready to be put down when mom and dad are just waking up. So we did what any new parents would do. We made two pots of coffee, pulled out our laptops and he played a favorite computer game and I scrolled Anthropologie’s website and tidied up. Strange how the smallest morning routines feel absolutely luxurious in the presence of a newborn. On a pre-baby Sunday morning, I might get restless and crave to do something else but today, I could revel in this seemingly mundane task for a while.

I will preface this small feeling of freedom to take back some autonomy with the fact that we are loving this newborn life and learning about our daughter, how to soothe her, meet her needs, and find balance as best as we can. It’s an incredible shift from our life just two weeks ago when we anticipated her arrival without fully knowing the sheer amount of joy and sleeplessness that awaited us. Funny how much preparation mentally and physically I did for pregnancy and birth to be handed a newborn (who was instantly crying and ready to eat – my girl!) and have had little preparation of what was to unfold. I think a lot of it is instinctual (or so I feel) and though you can prepare your own body having known it for 30-something years, this new human is figuring it all out with you!

Baby R is sweet, intentional, pretty easy-going, and strong willed. These are things about her I knew in the womb as well and it’s so funny to see her live up to her in-utero personality. Her movements were strong yet deliberate, she remained stubbornly breech, and whenever I needed some reassurance that she was doing okay, she gave it to me. She hit all the pregnancy milestones right on cue which gave mom and dad so much peace to know that our baby (we didn’t know it was a girl at the time) was tracking beautifully. Now, she’s here, healthy, perfect in our eyes, and continuing to grow every day by the looks of her adorably filled-out cheeks and arms that are starting to show some creases where there weren’t creases before.

Her sweet eyes beg for food or connection and melt our hearts, she squeaks and hoots in her sleep (raptor meets owl), her breathing becomes labored in anticipation of food or while dreaming. She finds comfort in her hands by her head, has a strong right leg kick, and the softest duck fuzz hair I’ve ever felt. Her eyelashes are getting longer, her lips more pink, and her cowlick more prominent. She’s the most beautiful girl to us and we feel so lucky she chose us to be her parents.

Though I’m sad to no longer be pregnant and to see my belly soften back down slowly, I look over and see this tiny miracle staring back at me. This journey can be sad and thrilling, we can mourn the loss of couple-only time and be so excited that this angel baby is here. I can feel disheveled and the most at peace in my life. I can be stressed and okay at the pillows thrown everywhere for feeding, back-support, napping, and cuddling. The dualities are so fascinating at this stage in life and I have to remind myself that opposing thoughts can be held concurrently. This is something I struggle with and have learned to embrace these past couple weeks. Living in the yes and has been rewarding, challenging, beautiful, and complex.

As we welcome this addition to our family, I am also welcoming a new mindset – one that is open and soft, patient and kind, okay with hard and rewarding and knowing that these new emotions and sensations can come in pairs. As someone who likes a clear answer for life’s difficult questions, living in the best-for-right-now or sounds-good-to-me is where I’m at right now. I’m doing my best to be present, live intuitively, have grace and patience with myself, my partner, and my baby girl. So like the woman at the post-office said to me today, you did it, sis – and I’ll continue to do it.