Tag: life

You are Gold, Baby. Solid Gold.

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I’ve been in a few locations already writing the first paragraph of this post. First, on the couch in front of a baby monitor watching our little 2-month old (!) sleep a little more after her first round of vaccines (rough). The second, on the sidewalk of a cafe, sipping at oat cappuccino during the 15 minutes of lingering time I’ve given myself before I return home to cuddle and feed baby R.

Now that I’ve set the scene, flashback to a couple weeks of recovery from a birth when I set out for a little self-care. Destination: piercing shop. Oh don’t you worry, I am getting a postnatal massage this week as a birthday gift from baby girl and dad but what I really needed to do for myself was re-place that tiny hoop I’ve had in my right nostril for 16 years and had to remove for the birth. Perhaps not the self-care most would envision but putting on my gold jewelry (including a necklace gifted to me from B and one of my mom’s vintage gold necklaces), I headed out to the piercing shop to not just have my sterling hoop put back in but to upgrade it to solid gold, baby. It’s the little things, postpartum, that matter most. 15 minutes with a oat capp, a new nose ring to match my preferred metal, a nice hot shower, making cashew milk, dipping honey in your tea, playing NYT games with B, sitting down to eat a meal once baby is sleeping. I could go on but man, these things have infused my days with so much joy.

I think one of the hardest parts of new parenthood (and arguably daily life, pregnancy, navigating change, etc) is drowning out the noise and tuning into your intuition. This is something that has not always come easy for me but social media, advice, biases – anything that tears us away from ourselves and inner knowing has no place – especially in this particular stage of life. Things that masquerade as helpful or supportive can be damaging too (WhatsApp groups, mommy IG accounts, targeted ads) with too many links directing you to someone else’s opinion. What these fail to do is allow me the time and space to look beyond the screen and at my baby to really do a pulse check on what’s going on. Everything from breast pump flange sizes to childhood development apps to buy are discussed at length and what we’re failing to do is bust out the measuring tool or simply watch your child and engage with them in a very instinctual and natural way (talking, making face expressions, playing – back to the basics seems to be the most effective IMHO).

This is easier said than done, especially for a Bay Area elder millennial who feels lured by the endless resources we’re inundated by on a daily basis. It’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough, not scheduling enough appointments, reading enough, not creating endless Google Sheets, not researching every corner of the internet, not joining enough support groups/yoga classes/music sessions, and definitely not putting in applications to every daycare within a 10 mile radius. It’s nuts.

When I slow down, take a very loving and slow look at my beautiful baby daughter, the intuition and next steps unfold. There are giggles simply by booping her nose, there will be childcare options that unveil with a little research and thoughtfulness and perhaps a good word of mouth. There are toys that we like and show her how to engage with. There are bubbly conversations with room for her to respond – and no one told us how, when, or why to do this.

As a new parent and even just a person living in world, this is some of my most valuable advice so far – just as much for those reading as it is a reminder to myself which I often need. Yes, I am guilty of having all the tabs open on my phone while I breastfeed, but I’m not subscribing to a keeping up with the Jones’ mentality. My inquisitive nature takes over, sure, but I am learning to be driven by my own curiosity over the drive from external forces to constantly be re-examining what I already know is true.

Anyway, my 15 minutes is up and it’s time to go watch my baby with my own eyes and not through a screen. I wish all of us a little tuning out and turning in today.

Teach ’em well

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You know you’re a mom when you now drive a Volvo and wear Birkenstocks. It me.

I was the passenger in a minor fender bender while on a work trip and I promptly returned home and deemed my tiny manual vehicle unfit for caravanning a newborn. It simply did not feel safe. Did I need to go top-of-the-line-safety-vehicle? Probably not. But this crossover is sexy AF, caters to my design-obsessed Scandi-loving soul and blends function and beauty. The decision did not come lightly but it did come fast! Within two weeks, I test-drove, researched, negotiated, and purchased the SUV of my growing family desires. Sure, I miss my pistachio-colored zippy stick-shift a whole lot but it’s funny how quickly the mindset changes to meet a new life chapter. When you’re so ready for aspects of your life you never thought would change, change, it feels like they’re more aligned with a new part of you. It’s like getting a business casual outfit to dress the part of a client meeting when you’re a tee-shirt and jeans kind of girl.

Oh yes, I also got Birkenstock clogs. Who am I even?! Sharing this to further paint my picture of new motherhood. I previously tried on Birkenstock sandals and found them vastly uncomfortable for my flat feet but thought I’d give them another go – this time in my right size, width, and a different footbed. I’m hooked. I rolled up to a new mom meet-up in my Volvo, Birks, baseball cap, and tote bag and had a moment where I felt like a mom (but like, a cool mom). I needed these slip-ons in my life a few months back when I could barely bend over my pregnant belly to put shoes on and then again two weeks ago post surgery but hey, better late than never! The ease! The comfort! The (divisive) style!

Anyway, all that to say times have changed in more ways than one! I’m a safety and comfort girl who likes to think she’s still chic! Who’s still got it! My mom identity is evolving (even though a guy on the street today was convinced I was a teacher and yelled after me “teach ’em well”. If by that he means show the good people of Oakland how you can be functional and cool, I will do, good sir.

You Did it, Sis.

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We are officially parents of the sweetest baby girl. Tired, running on empty, and so incredibly happy that she’s here. It’s wild to think that just two weeks ago this tiny human was in my body and after three thrown-to-the-wild-and-wonderful nights, we bring this baby girl home with us to keep forever.

This morning is the first that the timing has lined up where she’s ready to be put down when mom and dad are just waking up. So we did what any new parents would do. We made two pots of coffee, pulled out our laptops and he played a favorite computer game and I scrolled Anthropologie’s website and tidied up. Strange how the smallest morning routines feel absolutely luxurious in the presence of a newborn. On a pre-baby Sunday morning, I might get restless and crave to do something else but today, I could revel in this seemingly mundane task for a while.

I will preface this small feeling of freedom to take back some autonomy with the fact that we are loving this newborn life and learning about our daughter, how to soothe her, meet her needs, and find balance as best as we can. It’s an incredible shift from our life just two weeks ago when we anticipated her arrival without fully knowing the sheer amount of joy and sleeplessness that awaited us. Funny how much preparation mentally and physically I did for pregnancy and birth to be handed a newborn (who was instantly crying and ready to eat – my girl!) and have had little preparation of what was to unfold. I think a lot of it is instinctual (or so I feel) and though you can prepare your own body having known it for 30-something years, this new human is figuring it all out with you!

Baby R is sweet, intentional, pretty easy-going, and strong willed. These are things about her I knew in the womb as well and it’s so funny to see her live up to her in-utero personality. Her movements were strong yet deliberate, she remained stubbornly breech, and whenever I needed some reassurance that she was doing okay, she gave it to me. She hit all the pregnancy milestones right on cue which gave mom and dad so much peace to know that our baby (we didn’t know it was a girl at the time) was tracking beautifully. Now, she’s here, healthy, perfect in our eyes, and continuing to grow every day by the looks of her adorably filled-out cheeks and arms that are starting to show some creases where there weren’t creases before.

Her sweet eyes beg for food or connection and melt our hearts, she squeaks and hoots in her sleep (raptor meets owl), her breathing becomes labored in anticipation of food or while dreaming. She finds comfort in her hands by her head, has a strong right leg kick, and the softest duck fuzz hair I’ve ever felt. Her eyelashes are getting longer, her lips more pink, and her cowlick more prominent. She’s the most beautiful girl to us and we feel so lucky she chose us to be her parents.

Though I’m sad to no longer be pregnant and to see my belly soften back down slowly, I look over and see this tiny miracle staring back at me. This journey can be sad and thrilling, we can mourn the loss of couple-only time and be so excited that this angel baby is here. I can feel disheveled and the most at peace in my life. I can be stressed and okay at the pillows thrown everywhere for feeding, back-support, napping, and cuddling. The dualities are so fascinating at this stage in life and I have to remind myself that opposing thoughts can be held concurrently. This is something I struggle with and have learned to embrace these past couple weeks. Living in the yes and has been rewarding, challenging, beautiful, and complex.

As we welcome this addition to our family, I am also welcoming a new mindset – one that is open and soft, patient and kind, okay with hard and rewarding and knowing that these new emotions and sensations can come in pairs. As someone who likes a clear answer for life’s difficult questions, living in the best-for-right-now or sounds-good-to-me is where I’m at right now. I’m doing my best to be present, live intuitively, have grace and patience with myself, my partner, and my baby girl. So like the woman at the post-office said to me today, you did it, sis – and I’ll continue to do it.

family stuff and things

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Something about me personally is that I set my mind to something and I chase after it until that topic/issue/idea is resolved in some way. Now, this works both in my favor and against me. You might be thinking…this sounds like a “what is your biggest weakness” question whose answer is spun toward positive light (we’ve all been there, eh? I care too much. I can’t help being 5 minutes early. I’m an over-achiever.) but here are some recent things I have been reflecting on that inspired to me write in these early morning hours by the light of our Christmas tree named Noel (after Noel Fielding).

Getting a new car. Call it nesting or motherly instincts but I got it it my head recently that my little Fiat wouldn’t cut it for this next life chapter. In my full mom-car era, I leaned hard into Crossover/SUV research that would lead me down a path of sexy safety (because I’m not like other moms, I’m a cool mom). I’ve been ready for a bigger (or normal) sized car for some time but my little Pistache (pistachio green Fiat) has been the the most perfect 4-wheeled companion I could have asked for over the past 6 years. Yes, we *could* have made it work, but Reddit proved to me that Pistache could hold the baby but very little else. So…mama got herself a new set of wheels. The car itself is a stunner, a grown up Pistachio nut (I even kept with the green theme), but how I got here has taken me aback and made me super excited. With that said, if you too are a small-car fan, this Fiat could have your name on it.

Buying stockings and hanging them with care. It became super important to me all of a sudden one late night doom-scroll to get our growing family Christmas stockings. Staying local for the holidays this year, I went on an internet terror for three(!) of the same stockings (you’d be surprised two weeks before Christmas how few stores had more than qty 1 of anything left and we can’t be having an odd one out!). I finally found three fuzzy brown, teddy-bear looking ones with cool black matte hangers to give our console the full mantle glow-up. Complete with a handmade garland made from salvaged Redwood trimmings handed off to me from a maintenance crew in the Rose Garden feeling the Christmas spirit, we had ourselves a proper set-up. Again, in my mom-era, and close to midnight, this became a must-have. Yes, I am turning into my own mom who now sends me this video annually around Christmas. I cry/laugh because it’s true not just for her anymore, but for future me.

Perfectionist tendencies. I am a maximizer through and through. I research something in depth, make GoogleDocs to organize my thoughts and findings, sit on it, revisit, phone a friend – anything to make sure I am making good choices backed by reason, logic, and to prove to mostly myself that no, I’m not impulsive – I’m a thoughtful human! Take baby registry, for example. Most things on there are recs from friends, the result of both me and my partner researching our values as future parents and how these products align with what the reviews say (mommy-blogs, retailer positioning, Reddit threads, our fellow parent group, etc.). Sure, this is *smart* but also, the amount of work that has gone into this while fun and exciting, is also exhausting. Something I’ve known about me for some time is that I am pretty darn good at making big decisions fairly quickly and with confidence (moving abroad, buying a condo, taking a big trip, etc.) but the small decisions (diaper pail, stroller, play mat) all get the full research-mode treatment. Funny how these quick-to-change-on-a-dime choices get so much real estate in my head while the big-life-altering-questions are answered with way less deliberation.

What I’ve come to learn from even just the very short list above (yes, there are way more examples I have on the topic) is to listen to the things I am researching. What does this say about my values and what’s important to me? Why do I feel like a ‘wrong’ decision here could be detrimental in some way and what if it does go south or it ends up being great? I am trying to look at my “small” deliberations as information and not judgement – easier said than done – but it sure does tell you a lot about yourself when you look at the things you’re devoting your energy towards (safety, connection, rootedness, home).

Buried in this message is some big news. I am in no way glossing over that but if I sat to write a catch-up on the past year, I may never do it. I promise to go more in-depth on that later but here I re-emerge as (still) a writer, a soon-to-be mother, a skillful (let’s go with that) researcher, and an always evolving and growing human (aren’t we all). I hope you enjoy the holidays and the final days of 2024 by setting down the tech, tuning into yourself and the present, and looking ahead to 2025 with ways to find more peace and enjoyment in the little things. In our final weeks as just us two, slowness and stillness has brought some serious calm and a flooding of gratitude. I hope to hold on to this as the next chapter unfolds.

Our Christmas set-up glow-up this year.