Something about me personally is that I set my mind to something and I chase after it until that topic/issue/idea is resolved in some way. Now, this works both in my favor and against me. You might be thinking…this sounds like a “what is your biggest weakness” question whose answer is spun toward positive light (we’ve all been there, eh? I care too much. I can’t help being 5 minutes early. I’m an over-achiever.) but here are some recent things I have been reflecting on that inspired to me write in these early morning hours by the light of our Christmas tree named Noel (after Noel Fielding).

Getting a new car. Call it nesting or motherly instincts but I got it it my head recently that my little Fiat wouldn’t cut it for this next life chapter. In my full mom-car era, I leaned hard into Crossover/SUV research that would lead me down a path of sexy safety (because I’m not like other moms, I’m a cool mom). I’ve been ready for a bigger (or normal) sized car for some time but my little Pistache (pistachio green Fiat) has been the the most perfect 4-wheeled companion I could have asked for over the past 6 years. Yes, we *could* have made it work, but Reddit proved to me that Pistache could hold the baby but very little else. So…mama got herself a new set of wheels. The car itself is a stunner, a grown up Pistachio nut (I even kept with the green theme), but how I got here has taken me aback and made me super excited. With that said, if you too are a small-car fan, this Fiat could have your name on it.

Buying stockings and hanging them with care. It became super important to me all of a sudden one late night doom-scroll to get our growing family Christmas stockings. Staying local for the holidays this year, I went on an internet terror for three(!) of the same stockings (you’d be surprised two weeks before Christmas how few stores had more than qty 1 of anything left and we can’t be having an odd one out!). I finally found three fuzzy brown, teddy-bear looking ones with cool black matte hangers to give our console the full mantle glow-up. Complete with a handmade garland made from salvaged Redwood trimmings handed off to me from a maintenance crew in the Rose Garden feeling the Christmas spirit, we had ourselves a proper set-up. Again, in my mom-era, and close to midnight, this became a must-have. Yes, I am turning into my own mom who now sends me this video annually around Christmas. I cry/laugh because it’s true not just for her anymore, but for future me.

Perfectionist tendencies. I am a maximizer through and through. I research something in depth, make GoogleDocs to organize my thoughts and findings, sit on it, revisit, phone a friend – anything to make sure I am making good choices backed by reason, logic, and to prove to mostly myself that no, I’m not impulsive – I’m a thoughtful human! Take baby registry, for example. Most things on there are recs from friends, the result of both me and my partner researching our values as future parents and how these products align with what the reviews say (mommy-blogs, retailer positioning, Reddit threads, our fellow parent group, etc.). Sure, this is *smart* but also, the amount of work that has gone into this while fun and exciting, is also exhausting. Something I’ve known about me for some time is that I am pretty darn good at making big decisions fairly quickly and with confidence (moving abroad, buying a condo, taking a big trip, etc.) but the small decisions (diaper pail, stroller, play mat) all get the full research-mode treatment. Funny how these quick-to-change-on-a-dime choices get so much real estate in my head while the big-life-altering-questions are answered with way less deliberation.

What I’ve come to learn from even just the very short list above (yes, there are way more examples I have on the topic) is to listen to the things I am researching. What does this say about my values and what’s important to me? Why do I feel like a ‘wrong’ decision here could be detrimental in some way and what if it does go south or it ends up being great? I am trying to look at my “small” deliberations as information and not judgement – easier said than done – but it sure does tell you a lot about yourself when you look at the things you’re devoting your energy towards (safety, connection, rootedness, home).

Buried in this message is some big news. I am in no way glossing over that but if I sat to write a catch-up on the past year, I may never do it. I promise to go more in-depth on that later but here I re-emerge as (still) a writer, a soon-to-be mother, a skillful (let’s go with that) researcher, and an always evolving and growing human (aren’t we all). I hope you enjoy the holidays and the final days of 2024 by setting down the tech, tuning into yourself and the present, and looking ahead to 2025 with ways to find more peace and enjoyment in the little things. In our final weeks as just us two, slowness and stillness has brought some serious calm and a flooding of gratitude. I hope to hold on to this as the next chapter unfolds.