I’ve been in a few locations already writing the first paragraph of this post. First, on the couch in front of a baby monitor watching our little 2-month old (!) sleep a little more after her first round of vaccines (rough). The second, on the sidewalk of a cafe, sipping at oat cappuccino during the 15 minutes of lingering time I’ve given myself before I return home to cuddle and feed baby R.

Now that I’ve set the scene, flashback to a couple weeks of recovery from a birth when I set out for a little self-care. Destination: piercing shop. Oh don’t you worry, I am getting a postnatal massage this week as a birthday gift from baby girl and dad but what I really needed to do for myself was re-place that tiny hoop I’ve had in my right nostril for 16 years and had to remove for the birth. Perhaps not the self-care most would envision but putting on my gold jewelry (including a necklace gifted to me from B and one of my mom’s vintage gold necklaces), I headed out to the piercing shop to not just have my sterling hoop put back in but to upgrade it to solid gold, baby. It’s the little things, postpartum, that matter most. 15 minutes with a oat capp, a new nose ring to match my preferred metal, a nice hot shower, making cashew milk, dipping honey in your tea, playing NYT games with B, sitting down to eat a meal once baby is sleeping. I could go on but man, these things have infused my days with so much joy.

I think one of the hardest parts of new parenthood (and arguably daily life, pregnancy, navigating change, etc) is drowning out the noise and tuning into your intuition. This is something that has not always come easy for me but social media, advice, biases – anything that tears us away from ourselves and inner knowing has no place – especially in this particular stage of life. Things that masquerade as helpful or supportive can be damaging too (WhatsApp groups, mommy IG accounts, targeted ads) with too many links directing you to someone else’s opinion. What these fail to do is allow me the time and space to look beyond the screen and at my baby to really do a pulse check on what’s going on. Everything from breast pump flange sizes to childhood development apps to buy are discussed at length and what we’re failing to do is bust out the measuring tool or simply watch your child and engage with them in a very instinctual and natural way (talking, making face expressions, playing – back to the basics seems to be the most effective IMHO).

This is easier said than done, especially for a Bay Area elder millennial who feels lured by the endless resources we’re inundated by on a daily basis. It’s easy to feel like I’m not doing enough, not scheduling enough appointments, reading enough, not creating endless Google Sheets, not researching every corner of the internet, not joining enough support groups/yoga classes/music sessions, and definitely not putting in applications to every daycare within a 10 mile radius. It’s nuts.

When I slow down, take a very loving and slow look at my beautiful baby daughter, the intuition and next steps unfold. There are giggles simply by booping her nose, there will be childcare options that unveil with a little research and thoughtfulness and perhaps a good word of mouth. There are toys that we like and show her how to engage with. There are bubbly conversations with room for her to respond – and no one told us how, when, or why to do this.

As a new parent and even just a person living in world, this is some of my most valuable advice so far – just as much for those reading as it is a reminder to myself which I often need. Yes, I am guilty of having all the tabs open on my phone while I breastfeed, but I’m not subscribing to a keeping up with the Jones’ mentality. My inquisitive nature takes over, sure, but I am learning to be driven by my own curiosity over the drive from external forces to constantly be re-examining what I already know is true.

Anyway, my 15 minutes is up and it’s time to go watch my baby with my own eyes and not through a screen. I wish all of us a little tuning out and turning in today.