There are a lot of adulty things I’m running up against. Or more like I have been running up against since I was 27. Having had not one, but two heart-breaks with wonderful men who have chosen a different life path than me, I’ve had to face adulting head-on for half of a decade.

The decision to start the egg-freezing process comes with its fair share of emotions. I can’t believe I’m not with someone at this point. I’m lucky to have the technology at my fingertips to go through with this. I don’t want to use this science to make future babies. This might be my only chance. How unromantic. It’s just another way, it gives you options, flexibility, choice. In usual Jess-nature, I think a lot about it but push through fear anyway to go through with what my intuition knows is right for me.

This comes around the same time my mom and I had the most lovely getaway in SLO and she encouraged me to think about home buying. To be honest, it’s something I thought I would be doing with a partner, just like having babies ideally. I’m moving forward with all these badass woman things but feeling equally strong and independent as I am sad and hoping I’m not moving on without crucial pieces of my future.

It’s not to discount the fact that a partner can’t join along in my journey, and that what I want! It’s just that I didn’t quite think that at this age, I’d be diving into this things or getting the conversation going, solo. On the flip side, I am fortunate to be in a position where I can have these conversations. Where I can make things happen in my life from a financial, emotional, driven and informed place. I don’t want to take for granted the fact that I am a healthy and financially stable woman who can have home-buying conversations and give myself a bit more time and advantage to having children, something I have fought for internally in an in relationships to realize how much having a family matters to me.

I am a woman in my early 30s who has options and a bit of buying power. And that feels damn good but also scary. Beyond making some big decisions solo, without a romantic partner in my life at the moment, it’s a lot of big decisions for any one person to make in general. I’m trying to approach this chapter of my life with a lot of patience, grace and openness. I know a LOT can change in a short amount of time and to be honest, I hope it does and for the better. I am open to love and to sharing life and all its big decisions with a partner.

So what I’m trying to say is, if you know of any single men out there looking for girl who has traded up her ideas of freezing from Trader Joe’s Cauliflower Gnocchi to eggs, give a homegirl a shout, will ya?