I’ve said before that I could see myself meeting the man of my dreams reaching for the last mango at the Farmers Market – that, just like in a movie, I reach, he reaches, fingertips brush and we look at each other with blushing cheeks and bashful smiles.

Okay, okay, let me have my meet-cute, alright?

On a rainy Saturday afternoon, that exact thing happened. Except nothing of the sort. Remember bad-date-mathematician from a while back? Well, I was literally reaching for a mango and then I hear a “Hey, there.” With no improved eye-contact since our last meeting, his eyes gaze at the street beyond the sidewalk, my shoulders turned toward the warmer, more promising neat rows of mangoes. This is going well.

Small talk ensues – his memory is impressive yet his body language and remembering to include me in the conversation is not. An exchange of pleasantries and an awkward hug later, I realize I’m not even shopping for mangoes and dart into the store. That wasn’t the only blast from the past that day. One of my best friends from childhood texted me with a letter I had written him when I was 18. It brought back a flood of memories and reflection of me ten years ago. The letter’s contents sounded like me, something I would write today with perhaps a little less use of ellipses and a little more proper use of casing.

What hit me most though is how much of that sentiment in that letter rings today. Do we really change, do our feelings change? Or is it just a change in perception? Maybe with age and time, certain things grow more or less clear but we have more skills, knowledge wisdom and other experiences to navigate waters that once felt rocky. The heart can still feel what it feels but is then layered with other tools, tid-bits and nuggets of knowledge that add to the big picture and make us see things with fresh eyes.

Sometimes with growing older and growing up, I feel more clear on things that at the time shook my world. Conversely, I feel deeply for 18-year-old me and to this day, understand the feelings as if they were yesterday.

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately – where does our past meet our present? How much do we take along with us into today and let it shape and mold us and how much do we let go? I’m sure we’ve all experienced instances where our past pulls us back and other times when is it offering a push like going on a run with the breeze at your back. There’s danger in thinking there’s a perfect way to navigate the present but it gets sticky to decipher when that resistant feeling is holding you back – a sign that you’re not ready for what’s next – or when it’s the voice of your intuition.

Whoa, J. You started talking about mangoes – this escalated quickly…

When I’m faced with brake lights, I simply try to just be in it – voluntarily throw myself into traffic and wait it out. I shift my thoughts to what I know is true then allow myself be super honest about how I feel about them. No labels, no judgment. Lather, rise, repeat.

I often beat myself up when I feel like I’m revisiting a situation or struggle I’ve encountered before. I once heard (Mom, was this you?) that if you re-visit a stand-still, you haven’t yet learned the lesson that experience is meant to teach you. I love that. it speaks to the patience and compassion we must take in our approach in choosing our next move.

To get all yoga teacher on you – it’s called a practice not a perfect – in yoga, in life, in finding balance, in finding your truth. The past can be rough but it doesn’t have to be. Just listen and choose. (But don’t take too long choosing because you know what they say, “Pause too long on a mango and…” Okay no one says that, but you get my point.)